I have been recently noticing a number of different programs & individuals pushing the whole “Save our Sons” campaign in the Black community & it always leaves me feeling like they are missing something vital. But what could it be??? Hmmmmm…. oh, yeah, BLACK GIRLS/WOMEN!!!! What is with this whole “We only need to save our sons” mentality amongst the Black community??? Your daughters deserve/need your help too!
While this piece is not in any way about ignoring the plight of African men & their struggle, I do want to point out that fact that they do NOT struggle alone & in many instances their struggles are the struggles of African women & in many ways African men oppress African women via misogyny & patriarchy via systematic sexism. This male privilege in the Black community leads us to devalue our beautiful daughters as we raise our sons up. The focus or emphasis on our sons has a cost & that cost is our young women. We baby our sons, pacify them, encourage them, invest in them & in many cases we leave our daughters to have nothing.
While NOT all Black/African men & women do this to their daughters, nieces, sisters, etc; an alarming majority do behave in this manner. Black men & women raise their sons & daughters with a deference towards their sons. This male privilege is due to a paranoia & fear that one day our sons will be slaughtered by the Police, American Injustice System, Racist Whites on the Job, etc.. But we forgot a very apparent point: our daughters have to face the SAME thing. In many places African/Black women deal with the worst versions of every form of systematic oppression. African/Black women are held up against a Euro-American system of beauty and seen as the most unattractive being that could exist in America because of White supremist racism from the broader American society & colorism from the African/Black community. Let’s discuss how Euro-American beauty standards relentlessly attack African/Black women for a moment. Shorter-Gooden & Jones point out that, “Using data from the National Survey of Black Americans, Verna Keith of Arizona State University & Cedric Herring of University of Illinois at Chicago found that Black women who were lighter in skin color were more likely than darker women to be better educated, to have a higher status occupation, & to have a larger family income. These differences were true regardless of their parents’ educational level, occupation, & socioeconomic status. This same pattern did not hold for Black men. Using the same data set, Margaret Hunter of Loyola Marymount University found that on average lighter African American women are married to more educated men than their darker sisters. Hunter talks about light skin color as “social capital” for women of color, allowing them to attract a more desirable man” (2008:182). Our own community embodied the White supremist racist & colonial mindset of the Europeans & Americans who enslaved us & what we created was a monster just as ugly as racism called colorism through the lily complex; this sick idea that light skinned women are better in every way than their darker sisters. The devalue of the Black woman/girl is something that White America & in some ways Black America plays into & it is a dangerous game. Shorter-Gooden & Jones say it best, “Oftentimes for Black girls & women, the mirroring comes from parents, friends and extended family. But it’s not uncommon for the negative & stereotypical messages of the larger society to get through & to be co-opted by members of the Black community, or for the Black community to impose its own alternative but equally rigid standards” (2008:183).
We invest in & develop our young men while we leave our daughters to stumble on their own. This assumption that African/Black girls are stronger is often a rationalization for the mistreatment the community commonly gives them. African/Black girls need just as much love, concern, investment, development, & care as our sons & its about time our community starts sending love their way.
So when we treat/raise our children like this what types of people do we create? We create young men who also devalue Black women. We create Black women who either over compensate to prove their worth or we create Black women who never realize their beauty & potential because they internalized the poisonous message fed to them over the years. It is a viscous cycle.
As an African/Black woman who is part of a family that devalued their daughters for generations & continues to do so till this day, I can definitely say that the damage caused by Black Male privilege is shattering, terrifying, & relentless. For example, I have 2 BAs & I am a PhD student, I will be the first person with a doctorate degree in my family & my family seems to ignore my accomplishments until its convenient for them to brag to people for credibility but I am treated like a door mat on a consistent basis, my opinions are deemed insignificant, & I’m not allowed to have any emotions. These interactions & experiences can destroy the soul & spirit of young Black girls & women. While the world oppresses African/Black women so does their families, the men they love, & their communities.
I hope that this piece has caused you to think about these unhealthy habits that have spread throughout the African/Black community. Remember that our ancestors cherished their women in their matriarchal societies, they valued & protected African women. We need to look to our history & Black feminism to recreate a rhetoric, discourse, message, & positive propaganda that builds up our sons & daughters EQUALLY.
References:
Dr. Patricia Hill-Collins’ “Black Sexual Politics”
Dr. Kumea Shorter-Gooden & Charisse Jones’ “Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America”
Thomas Sankara’s “Women’s Liberation & The African Freedom Struggle”
I agree, when I hear advocates rallying only for black men I’m very confused why they only identify half of the problem. Ignorance and miseducation are not specific to a sex.
It seems that black women aren’t appreciated the way they should be. Black men are given respect, but what about women? Black women in society seem to be forgotten, and there seems to be little or no mention of them. They have a lot to contribute! The most beautiful and intelligent women on the earth are black women. So why are they ignored? Very strange. Misogyny is rampant the world over, but African women are ignored so much more. Why? Is it because they have nothing important to say? No! It’s because whites are afraid! White males (who are in power) fear females, and what’s more, black females!
Some of the most insightful people I’ve met have been African women. I sure hope that their voice will ECHO and be heard in this country and around the world, and that equality becomes more ‘popular’ among the masses. Shame on us that it hasn’t happened thus far.
HA! That’s funny. My wife wrote that last comment. I was reading blogs on redsoc, and left it on the screen. I guess what you wrote got her fired up. Strange seeing this comment here and thinking ‘wait a minute, did I write this in my sleep or something….? lol
This is an extremely important subject to address and an extremely difficult one.
When this issue is brought up, a divide is struck. Women feel like we need to save our girls and the men feel the same about the boys.
It is foolish and unproductive for *US* to argue over who has it worse in america, Black men or women. It is the equivalent to arguing over a seat on a sinking ship.
Save our children regardless of their sex. Anyone who works in the education field can tell that African American Girls have just about over lapped their male counterparts. In fact You the person reading this. Think about your graduation, Did the girls graduating out number the guys?
Think about the college(s) you attend(ed) Did the sisters out number their male counter parts?
If so then yes this issue should be addressed.
and no, focusing on one does not mean I ignore the other.
The same way a parent can love both their, Son & Daughter…. As a community can and do love, care and support both.
Lastly,
in your neighborhood/ community I am almost certain there are tons of programs designated for the empowerment of our girls. How come I dont hear anyone clamoring for them to include boys?
I think the basic point of the article may have been missed in your analysis Tariq. I did say “We need to look to our history & Black feminism to recreate a rhetoric, discourse, message, & positive propaganda that builds up our sons & daughters EQUALLY.”
The problems we have with educational achievement gaps between the sexes is not just an African American problem, this gap exists in White Americans as well. Women have been out-achieving men academically since the early 1980s. The problems with issues such as educational attainment are not some war between Black men & women. These issues are rooted in misogyny. The problems you are mentioning are problems that are caused by patriarchy & hegemonic masculinity.
When this issue is brought up here in this blog post there is not divide struck. I call for equality as well as equity. No divide has to exist in order for us to address these problems or in order for our community to create progressive discourse in how we help our children. The problems many young men and women face are not inherent or naturally occurring issues; they are caused by how we socialize boys & girls according to the wider White & Black gender ideologies. I encourage you to read “Black Sexual Politics” by Dr. Patricia Hill-Collins to get a good understanding of these issues.
Really? Well, I hope you find them because i don’t see ANY.
Typical BM response no love nor protection shown to BW no acknowledgement of the horrors the majority of fatherless Black girls encounter.
Fact is most BM just don’t care about the care and feedlng of fatherless BW and are shocked silly to realize that we BW got the memo and are turning our back the the community, oh yes we are.
Tired of the craziness trolling as normal Black america is broken as the majority of its men have no interest in protecting girls nor guiding and teaching boys how to be men.
This is why I tend to not debate with BM about this issue- most won’t understand until it is far too late and we are even further down the rabbit hole.
The privileged groups are very rarely capable of seeing how their privilege is a privilege & not the natural order of things. BM don’t believe that they engage in the sexist oppression of BW. & in oppressing BW, BM also hurt themselves.
I think that author of this (well intended) article misses a point. I’m the father now three daughters and a Son. In looking at the save our sons movement, we have to address the fact Black (African American) men are more likely than Black (African American) women to be marginalized at the steps of a system that has never been designed for them. The save our sons movement could problem be traced back to the emasculation of Black men during slavery. It was at this time that White slave owners made that Black man feel less than a man as he (white slave owners) raped and pilfered what was supposed to be the black family.
In our current society, all we see is the continued emasculation of the Black Male Image (hmmmm I feel a new book coming) through a system that takes the educational institutions and build a pipleline from there to the prisons. C’mon…why do most black parents celebrate and gloat at an 8th Grade graduation…especial for boys? It’s because many of them (not all, but many) realize that for many of their boys, there won’t be any other graduation.
I do (however) agree that we cannot forget the plight of our dear young sistas….but just as Nathan Hare wrote in the 1990s that it takes a man to bring a black boy to manhood, it takes a woman to bring a young girl to real woman hood. I can teach my daughters that I am the only man that will always love and respect them, but they have to first respect themselves so that men see their intellect rather than their cup size or the size of the ass. We have allowed mainstream media to paint a picture of our your women that promulgates the negative connotations that they are sexual objects. However, I can teach my son to respect his mother and as Joe Brown says: “respect women-hood and promote man-hood”. Our race (the African American race) is in deep trouble as many of us turn a blind eye. Our children are our future. We need to WAKE UP!!!
This is problematic once again. My analysis did not omit that point. What you are referring to in regards to the academic achievement gap is a problem that resonates from patriarchy and hegemonic masculinity and hegemonic femininity. The “system” was never designed for the Black/African man nor the woman. Women of all ethnicities in the US have been surpassing men in academic achievement since the 1980s thanks to the Civil Rights Act being passed (the group that benefited the most was White women).
The issues with the emasculation of Black men have to do with the White gender ideology & the concepts within hegemonic masculinity. I suggest you read “Black Sexual Politics” by Dr. Patricia Hill-Collins to get a better picture of what is going on in regards to “emasculation” & the gender gaps in academic achievement because those are rooted in the White & Black gender ideologies (which involve the intersectionalities of racism, patriarchy, & classism).
Thus the point that you claimed I missed was not missed at all, you are not fully understanding the root causes of the point you are attempting to make. Based on the responses of many Black men to issues relating to Black women I will be doing a blog post on hegemonic masculinity, hegemonic femininity, & the Black gender ideology to help people understand what is actually going on so they can see the true issue at the root.
Victor, how many girls grow up fatherless? How do you teach a girl that she’s worthy, if even her father doesn’t value her? Mothers value their sons and daughters. Women have ALWAYS been bringing girls into womanhood, and in our culture, unfortunately, the percentage that they’re doing it alone is higher than black girls who have fathers. For too many girls, their FIRST taste of a man showing ‘appreciation’ is when some 15 year old flatters her in order to sleep with her. AND THIS IS THE PROBLEM: Men who say “I have my boys, let the women take care of the girls, they’re not my responsibility”. Yet how many women say this of their sons?
You said: “I can teach my daughters that I am the only man that will always love and respect them, but they have to first respect themselves so that men see their intellect rather than their cup size or the size of the ass. ” Talk to a lot of black girls, and you will find out that this is usually the FIRST black guy who noticed them AT ALL.
I added a thumbs down and notice you said father to children not husband to a Black wife.
You are just another BM in denial blaming women and not holding other BM responsible, typical dysfunctional conformist group-think.
I have noticed in the south that black men tend to live at home into their 30′s and 40′s without a job and have their mother cook and clean for him while he does nothing, while women had better get a job and get out by age 20. That is considered the NORM. I have a brother RIGHT NOW in his 40′s and still lived at home until some woman allowed him to move into her home. And he has 3 sons that he BRAGS to about how he doesn’t do anything but get waited on hand and foot. And too many of our young men are raised to believe that this kind of behavior is EXPECTED of them.
No theories. Just painting a picture of what’s actually happening.
This is what happens to a community that loves their sons, but raises their daughters. The men are emasculated to the point of ruin and aren’t held accountable for anything because they must be protected from the white man at all times. Coddling them into adulthood has destroyed the majority of them so bad that they can’t even function as adults.
@ Victor
You said,
“I can teach my daughters that I am the only man that will always love and respect them, but they have to first respect themselves so that men see their intellect rather than their cup size or the size of the ass.”
Most women that I know have been street harassed and it did not have anything to do with them not respecting themselves. Why is it when a black woman is mistreated, beaten, raped, etc. it is supposedly because she didn’t respect herself? Conceiving a BW as occasional victims is too much to ask.
Naturally, the majority of BM and Women responding to this thread want to uphold the status quo. Yes, yes yes on all your points its so bad that I’ve coined the term SUPER MAMMIES for BW who uphold this dysfunctional group think.
Happily, due to BW’s safe swirl spaces and the BWE (Black Women’s Empowerment) community millions of BW have rejected this dangerous brainwashing.
Black men are on their own, as Black women are. I only cheerlead men of any color who protect me. You don’t have my back? Now, I’m apathetic about much Black American, as it is franky, nuts. Smart BW love and protect those who do the same to us, regardless of colors.
The days of Black boys considered special snowflakes are over but a small group of conformist (brainwashed) BW continue the coddling. Its a laughingstock the fatal out of wedlock rates and the group sociopathtic behaviors of the majority of “baby daddies” nobody is checking them, not the ‘good’ bm and certainly not their mamas.
Fuck your sons I’m saving your daughters!!!
African women are warriors, they bear their crosses with a quiet dignity. For euro women life is a walk in the park in comparison.
@jared,
The belief that black women are warriors capable of carrying heavy burdens de-feminized us. if gives BM the excuse to offer no support, protection or aid . The “strong black women” archetypes renders us nothing more than men with wombs. It sets us up for lives of emotional neglect . Besides, any attempts by BW to act as warriors will later be used to accuse us of emasculating BM and not submitting.
That stems from the White gender ideology’s diagnosis of the Black community: the BW is too strong & the BM is too weak. The “strong BW” is considered a positive stereotype that has a large # of consequences: The stereotype also is used as a justification for demonizing BW as not “feminine”, ts a dismissive stereotype. It leads ppl to assume that BW will always be fine/ok because they’re strong, the strong BW stereotype is based in conceptions of white supremist racism and hegemonic masculinity. BUT overall, bell hooks says it best, “Usually, when people talk about the “strength” of black women they are referring to the way in which they perceive black women coping with oppression. They ignore the reality that to be strong in the face of oppression is not the same as overcoming oppression, that endurance is not to be confused with transformation.”
I agree, and that is unfortunate. That is a reflection on the character of those particular men inclined to take advantage of the strength of African women. It may be a destructive archetype that exists, but nonetheless you have to give credit where credit is due. In this matrix of a white supremacist country, African men are victims of the ruling class also as lawmakers and racists policies put a heavy burden on them. It’s not right that they dump the burden on women, who are the stronger gender in general, but it’s hard to blame them-especially where I stand from my privilege as a EuroAmerican, I don’t think I could handle the burden of living in a white supremacist world, and if I were a POC, I’m not sure I wouldn’t do the same thing, and unload some of the burden, ie not protect, and neglect my women, simply because the stress would be too much to bear.
not to condone it, just saying it is understandable.
While there does need to be very targeted encouragement and building up of young black males and females, there also needs to be a unified effort that teaches both young black and males and females about themselves in relation to the other. An open dialogue of sorts that allows these two very different yet very similar groups get together and talk about misrepresentations that both have about the other and work to put them into focus.
For example, many black women think there are no good black men and the men think the exact opposite … why is that? There needs to be dialogue between the two groups, open minded dialogue, that works to point out the truth/lies in this belief, identify their roles in this belief, and figure out how much of it is propaganda and exaggerations. The amount of negative propaganda that is perpetuated in the black community is sickening, especially when it is accepted as absolute truth with no investigation.
Another example, there are MORE black men in COLLEGE than in prison, contrary to popular belief. All black men don’t become successful and turn their backs on black women. Conversely, all black women want to or aspire to be Superwoman. Not all black women are loud and boisterous.
Individual attention is great but at some point we have to come together to foster that unity we claim we want.